If I wrote a book . . .

I don't ever actually plan to write a novel, but if I were going to, I know exactly what I would write about. I would write about a colorful man who planned all of his life to cease to exist after his death. But he was wrong. He ends up being busier than ever trying to communicate with a group of women, former friends, who are still living. He passionately wants to wake them up to the solutions to their various problems. He ends up trying all kinds of crazy things to get attention.

As he does things like going into one friend's house and mysteriously leaving the toilet seat up, or appearing as a gluttonous blue jay who actually minds her when she talks to him, he begins to reflect on the long talks he had with her about relationships. We find out all about the interesting relationship between her mom and dad who never exactly liked each other, as well as the story of her own quest for love. He even throws in how perfect it would have been if she had only responded to his own advances when he was alive.

Meanwhile, he shows up as various crazy people in the life of another former friend who is studying to be a therapist. He especially enjoys playing the roles of her sisters who, in the tradition of Flannery O'Connor, recount the family horror stories concerning dead animals, and carry on incessantly about their own eventual deaths. We also get to watch as he inspires her father to spend his last few minutes alive playing a practical joke on the family gathered around him.

He also shows up in another friend's life every time she loses self confidence, which is quite frequently. He wears himself out sparking memories of him telling her, "You're right, you do suck," and laughing as she began to argue. He gets frustrated with her as she tries to follow her passion for teaching writing. She is fairly unsuccessful, since she has recurring fears that she is crazy. He finally decides to lighten up and begins speaking to her through silly comments made by her therapist.

The book ends as the group of friends who end up referring to each other as "sistas," come together for a summer party and discuss whether their dear departed friend who loved to wear lipstick was actually gay or not. And though they can never quite figure that out, they do come up with some answers to some of their own problems as they laugh about him. They each learn, in their own way, that life is less about the meaning of the events that occur during it, and more about acceptance. He even learns a little about acceptance himself, and comes to terms with his responsibility of continuing to have an afterlife.